Evolution of Man

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.

They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as “girlie men.” Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals were symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like light beer (sometimes with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals also invented the designated hitter rule because it was not fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives tend to drink micro brew beer. They also eat red meat and still provide for their women and families. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and forward immediately just for the hell of it.

The Edsel turns 50

This week marks the 50th anniversary of the introduction of The Edsel, Ford Motor Company’s iconic failed auto. Seen here is a beautiful 1958 Corsair, one of many fine Edsels you can admire at the Edsel.com Gallery. From Edsel.com:


 Edselcom Unlimited 091302-01X

Released into a nation struggling with a weak economy and fears of the Soviet satellite flying high overhead, the Edsel rollout couldn’t have had worse timing. Combined with an undersupplied dealership network, radical styling and overhyped publicity, the 1958 Edsel undeservedly became a symbol of failure that endures to this day.

Link to Edsel.com, Link to the Edsel entry on Wikipedia, Link to Washington Post article from Tuesday

Originally posted by David Pescovitz from Boing Boing

Boing Boing Gadgets: the latest posts

200709041918

• Retro Selectro: Card Callmaker Ad (1973)

• Fun Level: Orange – Valve’s Orange Box is coming October 12th

• If These Don’t Emit, You Must Acquit – Epson’s new PowerLite Home Cinema 1080 UB front-projector is have an MSRP of $2,700, making it the cheapest 1080p projector yet. (And retail will probably be cheaper.)

• Wii Runs – New Nintendo trademarks in Japan: “Wii Body Controller; Mii Contest Channel; Nintendo Magic; Wii Handle; Soma Bringer.”

• Dial M for Metamucil – “Verizon Wireless offers new $30 senior citizen plan”

• Suck It Up, Out –Man breaks stylus in smartphone sheath. AT&T tells him his warranty is voided.

• Keeping the Ashes Stoked – “Microsoft says a Zune phone ‘not unreasonable'”

• BioPro 190: At-Home Biodiesel Production

• The Future of Television: Two Girls Shooting Each Other with Tasers

• In the Year 2000: Bell Spaceplane Models

• Bukkake Simulator 3D: Love Death 2 Gameplay Video

• Quad Shelves by Nauris Kalinauskas

• Video: Overdrift: Stage 2 Teaser

• 1946 Mathis 333 3-Wheeled Car Prototype

• Doubles as Wings – I’m not sure how to embed this particular flash video of a disappearing door concept car, in which the door slides into the undercarriage, but it’s cool, so here’s a link.

• When Taste and Money Collide – Water “butts,” or drainspout caps, shaped like bottoms and rectums. Horrible.

• Rolly Polyphonic – Sony’s “Rolly” (roll-e) may be a music-playing “Wii on wheels,” claims [Digital-Lifestyles.info]

• Two > Four – Jeff Atwood compares dual- and quad-core processing times. Dual is just about as good as quad for most desktop users.

• Flamebait – “According to research group iSuppli, the iPhone outsold all smartphones in the U.S. in July”

Originally posted by Mark Frauenfelder from Boing Boing